Sep 082014

Dear Readers,

Yet again, it has been quite a while since my last post. …Unbelievable how time passes… .114 days until the end of the year… . Yes, I am counting the end of my days. It is the first time in my life that I wish for the time to pass as quickly as possible. I even ask my sister to “wake me up when September ends”. She said she would if she were able to. I even asked her to induce me into a coma, and she is such a kindhearted person, that she googled about the problem and explained to me just how risky something like that would be. I wish my thoughts were a little happier. But it isn’t as bad as I make it sound.

If you haven’t seen my latest you tube videos, than you probably don’t know that I have been able to hear and to understand sounds a lot better. Let me try to explain this in more details. For a while now, I have been able to hear noises like normal people do. The problem is that I don’t understand all the noises that I am hearing. So, when someone is talking to me, I can hear their voice but I don’t understand all the words.  This is even more noticeable when people talk to each other and carry a normal level of conversation. To me, it simply sounds like Chinese (and I don’t mean this in a derogatory way).

However, I have noticed that my hearing and ability to understand sound are getting better every month. At the beginning of this year, I couldn’t even hear and understand my own name, even though my family, especially my mom, were talking quite loudly (I bet the neighbours were wondering what was going on).  The only way I could communicate with my family and other people was if they wrote the letters of the words on my forehead. It was incredibly sad and frustrating and we all thought that this was going to happen for the rest of my life (according to the doctors I was deaf).  As time passed  by, though, I began to understand a few sounds (my mom and sister would repeatedly say the alphabet to me  and other simple words). It’s been four months since anyone wrote on my forehead. If I didn’t understand a word, they would repeat it until I was able to. Now, I am even able to catch some phrases from the conversation of people around me and, thus, I manage to understand the general idea. When other relatives or friends come to visit, they all make the same mistake. They think that I can’t hear, so, they speak louder. But I hear them  fine, I just don’t understand them when they talk like they would with normal people. They only need to have the patience  to speak more slowly and more clearly, that is all.

Last week, my sister gave me some music to listen to.  She was going through my playlist on you tube with my favorite songs and she got to “Rammstein – Sonne”; she asked me whether  I was up to listening to it. I wasn’t sure, in the beginning, but then I thought to myself  that I don’t have anything to lose. And ,boy… it sounded loud and very clear. If you know the song, then you know that it is not an easy song to the ear. I honestly thought that  I would never  be able to listen to this song ever again. I asked her to play “Seeed – Beautiful” . It sounded so familiar that made my eyes watery. Only now do I realise what a joy it is to listen to music.

A few days ago, my sister went to the market and she left me her mobile phone. And while she was out, my father phoned and I answered. We were able to carry a conversation for almost 10 minutes without me asking every minute “What?”. …Another thing I thought I was never going to do: talking on the phone…not that I was a huge fan of talking on the phone. Some people bring their phone with them when they go to the bathroom, or when they have breakfast, lunch or dinner. Or, if you leave your phone for just five minutes  to do, I don’t know, something interesting, and when you come back you see that you have 14 missed calls.  I never liked these things much, so I had some disagreements with my father,  who is a little phoneaholic…just a little, over the years.  In any case, it was very satisfying to talk to my dad on the phone.

Fall is Coming

Pepsi, female Guineea Pig

Fall is Coming

Cric, male Guineea Pig

I was even able to hear Pepsi’s squeak, my female Guineea Pig, …she probably wanted some carrots or something…she sounded like a car alarm, at first, but, as I heard her more and more, I began to recognise her. Cric, my male Guineea Pig, is very old. He was two when I adopted him and now he is six. My sister told me that he could pass away anytime, and this saddens me a lot. I sort of abandoned them when I went to Ireland, last year. My sister often tells me that he spends his days mostly laying down and that I should remember as the fat, squeaky fella that crept into my heart the moment I saw him.

Every Sunday, my mother has been reading me stories about teenage dramas. This helped a lot, so, I wanted to experiment further. I asked my sister to read me “The Catcher in the Rye”, by J.D. Salinger…and I am so glad I did. It’s one of my favorite books. I read it four times myself over the years and it is still making me laugh so hard that I feel like my cheeks are falling apart. I can clearly hear the monotonous tone of my sister’s voice when she is reading to me. She shows no emotions. It sounds funny, and I, sometimes, make fun of her, but I know she does it so that I can understand.

I am thinking about writing a story…more like I’ll be dictating and my sister will be typing. That is way I am having them read to me. I want to get some inspiration. I used to write when I was in high school. I already have a general idea of what the story will be and some of the characters are taking shape, but we are still researching. All  day long, I bug her to read to me about psychology, about literature, plot techniques.  I won’t name the subjects I’m interested in because you would think that I’ve gone insane again.

Also, I am thinking of rebranding my you tube channel, but me and my sister are still in the thinking phase. I have a few more ideas and plans that were seeded  in my brain and I will gladly talk about them in the future because I am going to need your help.

Jeez…I just wanted to say some random stuff, but my sister made me talk about my condition again.  I just wanted to prove to myself that I can think on the spot and create something that has meaning. I used to love writing so much! I wanted to see if my brain still capable  of that.  Because, Dear Readers, if I told you the ways my brain is literally torturing me, you would probably think that I’ve gone crazy. I’m barely making it through the day. But this is a story for another day.

I asked my sister to add three pictures that I took during autumn, 2009, at Mogosoaia Castle , Romania. …I am very proud of them…

I am not much of a fan of summer, or winter, for that matter. Instead, I like to sit on a bench, in the park, and drink something warm and  look at the people passing by. But the thing I like most is to take off my shoes and walk on the wet grass.

I hope you find some inspiration in the colours.

Take care,




  14 Responses to “Fall is Coming with New Ideas, Plans and Sue Sidle Thoughts”

  1. Keep on fighting Catalina!!!Much love!x

  2. Hi Cătălina,

    I am so happy that you have been on the mend and that you can now hear the music you love again. I like Rammstein, too.

    I’ve been following you since a few months ago when I first discovered your channel when learning new crochet stitches, and ever since I learned of your illness, I have been praying and sending healing energy in case it helps. 🙂 (smilie)

    By the way, I am legally Blind, too, and I use a screen-reader to read blogs and facebook and browse the web, and to proof-read my writing. I do have some sight, so I can still see colors. And I take to heart your advice to be grateful for everything I have. For me, this also includes my disabilities, since without them, I would not be the person I am today. They are part of me, or at least, they are part of who I have become. Of course, I wouldn’t say no to a cure to make me see better, but neither is that essential to my happiness.

    I would have sent you a friend-request on facebook, but I’m shy like that. 🙂 (smilie) If you would like to send me a friend-request, I will gladly accept it. Also, if you want someone else to talk with in English from time to time, I would be happy to do so over Skype.

    Vlad Drăculea / Claire Lumina

    • I read your short letter and she was to Catalina and she was simply amazed. She admires you for having the strength to overcome your illness and make the best of it. Currently, she is trying to do the same, but it is still so hard. None the less, she is moving forward. Thank you.

  3. It has taken time for your hearing to return which means part of your brain is healing. I am praying that all parts of your brain will heal and you will see again. Take care of yourself and love yourself as much as your family loves you. Look forward to hearing from you again soon. Hugs and kisses from your friend.

  4. Hi Catalina, listen to Lee Whiley on Astral Projection!!! Tell me what you thing!? Love and prayers always think of you, sweetheart xxxx

  5. Buna, Catalina!

    Noi doua am fost impreuna la Olimpiada Nationala de Limba si Literatura Romana, la etapa de la Cluj, undeva prin 2006, cred. De asemenea, si in 2005, la Botosani. Imi pare foarte rau sa aflu ca ti s-a intamplat o astfel de nenorocire, dar ma bucura sa vad progresul facut in ultimele luni. Nu stiu ce sa-ti spun altceva, in afara faptului ca o sa iti urmaresc evolutia in continuare. Sper ca totul sa aiba un final fericit.

    Te pup,


    • Si noi speram ca totul va fi bine. Multumim mult!

      • Daca nu va deranjeaza, am vazut medicamentele pe care le ia Catalina si stiu ca sunt foarte scumpe. As vrea sa primiti drept donatie, din partea mea, tot ce inseamna supliment alimentar, cum este Revitasens si Uractiv. Eu sunt farmacist in Bucuresti, dar voi fi la Braila pe data de 4 – 5 octombrie si pe 11-12 octombrie. Daca mai sunt si alte suplimente alimentare, va rog sa imi spuneti.

  6. Draga Catalina,

    Iti scriu in romana pentru ca poate iti este mai usor sa citesti acest mesaj.
    Cum sa incep, este foarte greu sa inteleg, din punct de vedere medical ce ti se intampla, mai ales la o varsta atat de frageda. Tocmai am dat peste cateva dintre video-urile tale si am vazut cat de talentata esti si imi dau lacrimile. Doresc sa-ti transmit un mesaj, pe care poti sa-l iei ca un mesaj sau sa-l ignori, dar crede-ma ca nimic in univers nu este o coincidenta, nici macar faptul ca ti-am gasit din intamplare video-ul pe youtube si blogul (oare chiar din intamplare????). Ceea ce ti se intampla tie in momentul de fata este un semn ceresc ca trebuie sa schimbi ceva in viata ta. Cumva,”behind the screens” ti s-a intamplat acest lucru pentru ca a trebuit sa ti se intample. Stiu, pare absolut de necrezut si aproape SF, dar adevarul este ca va trebui sa faci o schimbare in viata ta, cumva la 180% sa spun asa. Care este aceasta schimbare, va trebui sa o gasesti tu singura dar pot sa-ti spun ca are legatura cu spiritualul. Viata ne scoate in fata astfel de piedici, uneori de-a dreptul halucinant de grele (iata si cazul tau) pentru ca necesitam o schimbare brusca, ca sa ne zguduie din toti rarunchii – incat sa ne faca sa ne intrebam din adancul sufletulul: “oare de ce mi s-a intamplat si de ce tocmai mie si care este mesajul?” Adevarul nu-l putem sti, cu siguranta nu din perspectiva umana. Doar bunul D-zeu/Creator Suprem/Fiinta Suprema (sau cum vrei sa-l numesti) stie care ne este destinul si de ca am ales sa ne nastem. Crede-ma ca de un an de zile am intrat intr-un proces de cautare eu singura, pentru ca aveam mari nelamuriri si pentru ca era absolut nefericita cu viata mea. Ciudat, imi era chiar foarte bine, sunt casatorita cu un barbat iubitor, am un job bine platit, traiesc in strainatate si cu toate astea m-am simtit nefericita, singura, neinteleasa si plina de frici. Nefericirea aceasta as putea-o descrie cu ceva foarte apasator, ceva care nu parea sa se termine, o instabilitate emotionala compulsiva care nu parea a avea un final prea curand. Pana cand o verisoara de-a mea a venit la mine si din vorba-n vorba imi spuse ca citea o carte foarte interesanta si ca a facut-o sa inteleaga multe lucruri, care pareau de neinteles si nu aveau sens in realitatea noastra. In sfarsit, acea carte a fost inceputul aventurii mele care nu s-a terminat, nicidecum, tocmai a inceput si simt ca este ceea ce ma defineste cu adevarat si va trebui sa gasesc acel catalizator sa scot ce e mai bun din mine si sa fac ceva in scop umanitar (ramane de vazut ce anume). Ma uit la tine, cineva ar spune cu invidie, desi nu mai simt acest sentiment demult, si vad ca tu ai un talent atat de frumos pe care l-ai pus in practica pe un blog cu adevarat frumos. Eu nu am avut astfel de talent, cel putin atat de bine definit; as avea multe talente (ce-i drept) dar toate sunt la un nivel superficiale, mai mult un atribut pentru ceva care inca trebuie sa se defineasca in viata mea. Concluzia mea: viata este o calatorie pe care noi o singuri ne-o cream. Important este cum facem aceasta calatorie… destinatia e mai putin importanta. OK, atat despre mica introducere despre viata mea. Doream sa-ti transmit ca poate (nu trebuie sa privesti acest lucru ca pe un “must”, absolut deloc) ti-ar face bine sa citesti cateva carti. O sa te intrebi cu siguranta, ce rost au ele cand tie numai de asta nu-ti arde??? Iti recomand cu caldura Eckhart Tolle, “Puterea Prezentului” si “Un nou Pamant”, apoi cartile lui Neale Donal Walsch – “Conversatii cu D-zeu” (3 volume), cartile lui Adrian Nuta (forst profesor de psihologie la Facultatea de Psihologie di Bucuresti: “Iluminarea pt lenesi”, “Umbra” si poti urmari pe youtube filmulete cu Osho, Eckhart Tolle, Adyashanti, Lee Carroll (channeling Kryon), Teal Swan, Abraham Hinks etc. Sper ca tot ce ti-am scris sa-ti fie de folos si sunt sigura ca te vei face bine pentru ca ce ti se intampla tie este pur si simplu un mesaj divin, fara doar si poate. Pana la urma, toti suntem unu si tu singura o sa descoperi daca ceea ce spun este mai mult sau mai putin adevarat. Namaste!

  7. I have enjoyed Crocheting with Catalina and I have just read through the blog entries. I have been keeping up with her progress on Youtube and just discovered this blog.
    We don’t know why God allows these trials that we face, and her situation is beyond imagination…but God will use this to strengthen her. I would recommend listening to Joni Earekson Tada on Youtube as she became a quadriplegic at 17 when she dived into shallow water and broke her neck. To her sister- I have no idea how you can read these entries to her, but know that she has my prayers and I check in often to see her updates. I know how horrible it must be for her to have loved her handiwork. It is difficult to find the words to express. I pray she has peace that only the Lord can supply. Is she hearing now?

  8. OK The only entry I didn’t read was on this page and my have my answer! Praise God her hearing is coming back! Will keep praying for her sight.

    Please listen to this. It is inspiring! I listen to her often for encouragement!

  9. Joni learned to paint with her teeth. She is an amazing artist. In the 1970’s she had a greeting card business- we used to get her catalogue in my home. I was not a Christian yet. I didn’t know who she was until 15 years ago. SHE WILL BE ENCOURAGED LISTENING TO IT!

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