Categorie: BitterSweet

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A thousand lying words a photo tells

Fifty shades of Grey

Friday, 4th of May, 2018

Definition of a social media photo:

No, my dear friend, as a matter of fact a photo does not speak for itself. A photo does not speak a thousand words. A photo does not speak the truth behind the lies, nor of the sighs behind the smiles. A photo does not talk of the bruises on your mind, body and soul, nor of the fights and broken hearts. No, my dear friend, a photo can’t do all of these things, but you can. Do note this, when you are sharing your story, you can only speak on your behalf . There is always the other person’s point of view to be taken into account, even when he or she is a psycho not to be blamed for all that confusion in your head. So before you begin instigating to hate and anger, remember that you and only you couldn’t pass your belief that the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know. read more

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If only…then maybe…

Dear Readers,

If there is a thing that I am absolutely sure it will help me get my sight back and that is if I go back to Waterford, Ireland, the place that I lived for 5 months before the stroke that I suffered in November 2013. I thought about this many times, over and over again. What is that thing that I need that could truly help me ? And every time I think about it I get to this point.

I loved Ireland and I left Ireland too abruptly. And I honestly mean it when I say I loved the city I lived in. So many times I found myself bursting out in tears during my long walks on the narrow streets in Waterford, while looking at the buildings, the town houses, terrace houses, gardens, shops and people. I did not want to live it and I left it way too soon. Even after all this time since I left, I still feel myself in a huge percentage in shock about the idea that I left. The weirdest part is that I wasn’t even happy there, not with the person I was in a relationship with. However, even if that part was so difficult to bear back then, I truly and sincerely loved Ireland. read more

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The beginning is the end is the end is the beginning

Anonymous_Face_Mask_Catalina_Stan

Dear Readers,

It has been quite a long time since I last wrote something. This is the phrase that nearly all my posts start with. I apologize. I am taking back a few of the promises that I made during the last 2 years. Such as „I promise I will write more often”, „I promise I’ll make more videos.”, „I promise I’ll keep you guys updated.” I wasn’t able to keep any of them. And I excuse myself for what it looks like a lack of interest. I’m not lacking anything. It is just that I was not expecting many of the things that happened to me over the last 2 years to happen in the first place. And I do not mean the stroke that I suffered. I’m talking about a lot of the things that happened after the stroke. read more

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I am in The Best Spot

Lonely

Dear Readers,

Today, at Jiko, I had quite a nice session with Mihaela, which followed another one that was by far the longest and most intense session so far. This happened yesterday and it lasted approx 2 h and 15 minutes altogether. She and I had a very nice conversation about life, consciousness, spirit and all sorts of other things.

“Why is it that you feel the need to tell me about the things that you are going through?”, she asked me.

“Let’s not forget I’m still human”, I said. “On different occasions, I’m still led by emotions. I have not found the power to control them yet. I mean…to be emotionless, that is. For example, the feelings of loneliness and abandonment were so overwhelming about a month, that I skipped two weeks of sessions and ran back home where at least I had the company of Pufi the Yorkie.” read more

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I Do Hate Too

Ireland

Dear Readers,

The things that I’m going to write about today are of such intimacy and privacy to me that I cannot believe myself that I decided to write about them. It was often suggested to me that I should talk to a shrink about them, but I refused. A while back, my sister read me an article which underlined the importance and the benefits of writing about different issues, especially during one’s healing journey.

During Monday’s reiki session, Miss Rodica, the therapist who has been treating me over the last 4 weeks, asked me how I had been. I wasn’t sure what to answer. I didn’t want to let her know the real state of mind I was in. And even if I had told her, I would have burst out crying in front of her. But the therapists at Jiko are not only very good practitioners, but good listeners and advisers as well. Because of that, I decided to be honest and confessed myself to her. read more

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„Imagine all the People”

Humanity is not dead

Dear Readers,

I’ve often talked about people, since a lot of people have had a great impact over my life. But, to be honest, I’ve been in a love-hate relationship with them since the beginning of my times. The numerous times I wanted to be in the middle of them, enjoying their company… But there were even more times when I wanted to run away from them, as far as possible, preferably in the middle of nowhere.

We like to talk about people a lot. We like to put them in categories. We like to catalog them. We like to compare them. We like to do all sorts of things to them. Every new person that we meet is checked inside and out until there is no mystery left of them. And we will meet hundreds of people in our lifetime. If we are lucky or unlucky,( if you prefer), we will meet thousands of them… Thousands of people that we will catalog, we will edit them and save them in our memories. read more

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My Soft Spot for Crocheting – The End of the Saga

My Soft Spot for Crocheting and Yarn Bombing

Dear Reader,

This post’s title says that this is the end of the saga, but I really hope that this is not really the end. Today’s post will include things that I omitted or forgot about in the previous posts and a few personal thoughts based on my experience so far.

If you are someone who used to know me back in my teens, you will ironically ask yourselves: „What? Catalina didn’t become some badass  leader, manager, lawyer, journalist, advertising agent, or something like that?” No. I didn’t become anything like that, even if I was that nerdy in school. read more

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My Soft Spot for Crocheting – The Sequel

You Tube Views and Subscribers October 2014

Dear Reader,

This week I’ve been on listening to music spree. That is why I’ve been dragging the subject about crocheting for so long. But today, this post will be more to the point.

Last time I said I was invited to go to Ireland for the summer, in 2012. While staying there, I couldn’t find a job, because, well, I was basically just a tourist and couldn’t get all the legal documentation (address, bank account, bills, and the like). So, I had to find something else to do.  Seeing that my You Tube channel was growing a bit, I thought of doing different kinds of videos. I am gonna complain about something right now, and I hope I won’t upset anyone, because I have the highest respect for the famous You Tube crocheters (like Crochet Geek, Mike Sellick, BobWillson123). A lot of the crocheting that I know now I’ve learned from them. However, a lot of their tutorials missed a step, or an explanation, or something else that made things harder for me to understand at times. That is when the idea of making crochet tutorials came to my mind… Long and very explanatory tutorials, which would show viewers step by step, stitch by stitch instructions to help them. The kind of tutorials I wanted other people before me to have made when I first started crocheting. read more

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My Soft Spot for Crocheting – The Beginnings

Baby Sized Afghan Tunisian Entrelac Blanket

Dear Reader,

Fall has come.  A few days ago I woke up in the morning and asked my sis (her name is Ana) to bring me a pair of socks to put on. Then, I wrapped myself as best as I could in the zigzagy  blanket that I crocheted two and a half years ago.  A warm cup of coffee would have been nice, but, since I am on a strict diet, I’m only allowed to drink natural juices and tea.  Around this time of the year, artsy craftsy  people get their hooks and needles on and start making all sorts of blankets, sweaters, shawls, cardigans, ponchos,  hats, and all sorts of other little bits and pieces.  This year, I am unable to join the crowd.  I know you will tell me that nothing can stop me, but there is something stopping me (last week, my sister and I tried to record on how to make and attach tassels to a shawl; I was missing so many yarn threads and loops that it became frustrating and weird, so I asked Ana to show the instructions for me – it was the first time she ever worked with a crochet hook…anyway, it is the same when I crochet simple stitches as well: I start with a chain of 20, the first row ends up with 22 single crochet stitches, the second goes to 19, the third uppers into 22 again and so on…Plus, I am unable to stop the tears from flooding down my cheeks when I am holding the bloody plastic hook in my hand.). So, today, I’ll talk a little about crocheting and how crocheting was just about to turn my life around (maybe it can still do so?). I have wanted to talk about this subject for months. read more

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Fall is Coming with New Ideas, Plans and Sue Sidle Thoughts

Fall is Coming Leaves

Dear Readers,

Yet again, it has been quite a while since my last post. …Unbelievable how time passes… .114 days until the end of the year… . Yes, I am counting the end of my days. It is the first time in my life that I wish for the time to pass as quickly as possible. I even ask my sister to „wake me up when September ends”. She said she would if she were able to. I even asked her to induce me into a coma, and she is such a kindhearted person, that she googled about the problem and explained to me just how risky something like that would be. I wish my thoughts were a little happier. But it isn’t as bad as I make it sound. read more

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