Etichetă: colorblind

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If only…then maybe…

Dear Readers,

If there is a thing that I am absolutely sure it will help me get my sight back and that is if I go back to Waterford, Ireland, the place that I lived for 5 months before the stroke that I suffered in November 2013. I thought about this many times, over and over again. What is that thing that I need that could truly help me ? And every time I think about it I get to this point.

I loved Ireland and I left Ireland too abruptly. And I honestly mean it when I say I loved the city I lived in. So many times I found myself bursting out in tears during my long walks on the narrow streets in Waterford, while looking at the buildings, the town houses, terrace houses, gardens, shops and people. I did not want to live it and I left it way too soon. Even after all this time since I left, I still feel myself in a huge percentage in shock about the idea that I left. The weirdest part is that I wasn’t even happy there, not with the person I was in a relationship with. However, even if that part was so difficult to bear back then, I truly and sincerely loved Ireland. read more

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The beginning is the end is the end is the beginning

Anonymous_Face_Mask_Catalina_Stan

Dear Readers,

It has been quite a long time since I last wrote something. This is the phrase that nearly all my posts start with. I apologize. I am taking back a few of the promises that I made during the last 2 years. Such as „I promise I will write more often”, „I promise I’ll make more videos.”, „I promise I’ll keep you guys updated.” I wasn’t able to keep any of them. And I excuse myself for what it looks like a lack of interest. I’m not lacking anything. It is just that I was not expecting many of the things that happened to me over the last 2 years to happen in the first place. And I do not mean the stroke that I suffered. I’m talking about a lot of the things that happened after the stroke. read more

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„My Body is a Cage”

Le me and Derpina, my body is a cage
Le me and Derpina, my body is a cage

Dear Readers,

It’s been 18 months since I lost my sight completely. Ever since this event happened my perception of things has changed. I’m mostly talking about the perception given by visual images.

I don’t remember how I look like anymore. At times, I have flashes of images of myself, but if I were to describe myself now, I would not be able to. There are moments when I place my hands on my body, but even if I know it is there, I can’t describe it or even imagine it. Ok… This is my right leg. It’s short. There is no hair. I removed it this morning. I’m going up. This is a belly. It is very much reduced, but there is some of it left, though. I’m going up, but I will obviously avoid describing the perception that I have of my upper body parts. However, on numerous occasions my hands rest perfectly right there. But let me move on to the face. I have a pair of lips. There is a disgusting zit bellow the lower lip on the left. . But I get a zit or two once every few months, so it’s ok. Otherwise, I don’t feel anything else weird on my face. Does that mean it is healthy? I’m pinching my nose. I can’t describe its shape. I do remember that I have a small nose, though. There is a pair of eyes too. Their color and the length of my eyelashes are absolutely useless things now. But what about my hair? I have always hated having bangs. Yet, that’s how I’ve been wearing my hair for the past months. A lot of random body parts. So I’ll try to put them all together. Sorry, I still am unable to picture myself. read more

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„A song that no one sings”

Dear Reader,

Do you know what the word „vermillion” means? It is a word I a first heard about nine years ago, in a song „Vermillion Pt.2.0”, by Slipknot, but I was never interested in finding out what it means. Until this morning, when I asked The Big Red Head Fox ( Ana) to tell me the definition.

Vermillion is an alternative writing for the word vermilion.

vermilion= a brilliant red pigment made from cinnabar (mercury sulphide)(Oxford Dictionary)

origin. It comes from the Old French word „vermellion”, which was derived from „vermeil”from the Latin word „vermilculus”,the diminutive form of the word „vermis” (worm).The name originated from this word  because the color is similar to the natural dye made by an insect, Kermes vermilio. read more

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