Categorie: Cronology

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The Piano Concert

Playing the electric piano

Dear Readers,

It’s been exactly 3 months to this day since my good friend T. last allowed me to play his electric piano. Truth be told, it was a onetime only thing, so I haven’t touched any keys ever since. That is mostly because I have no talent.

“I’m not impressed, you are no Beethoven”, T. told me that day.

“I’m sorry, but who are you that I have to impress? I don’t even have to impress myself”, I answered wisely.

“I am the dragon amongst dragons”, he said.

“Oh, dear T., the dragon always gets his ass kicked in fairy tales”, I thought to myself. read more

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„My Body is a Cage”

Le me and Derpina, my body is a cage
Le me and Derpina, my body is a cage

Dear Readers,

It’s been 18 months since I lost my sight completely. Ever since this event happened my perception of things has changed. I’m mostly talking about the perception given by visual images.

I don’t remember how I look like anymore. At times, I have flashes of images of myself, but if I were to describe myself now, I would not be able to. There are moments when I place my hands on my body, but even if I know it is there, I can’t describe it or even imagine it. Ok… This is my right leg. It’s short. There is no hair. I removed it this morning. I’m going up. This is a belly. It is very much reduced, but there is some of it left, though. I’m going up, but I will obviously avoid describing the perception that I have of my upper body parts. However, on numerous occasions my hands rest perfectly right there. But let me move on to the face. I have a pair of lips. There is a disgusting zit bellow the lower lip on the left. . But I get a zit or two once every few months, so it’s ok. Otherwise, I don’t feel anything else weird on my face. Does that mean it is healthy? I’m pinching my nose. I can’t describe its shape. I do remember that I have a small nose, though. There is a pair of eyes too. Their color and the length of my eyelashes are absolutely useless things now. But what about my hair? I have always hated having bangs. Yet, that’s how I’ve been wearing my hair for the past months. A lot of random body parts. So I’ll try to put them all together. Sorry, I still am unable to picture myself. read more

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My own Oracle

Earlier today, I tell mom that last night I dreamed about Keanu Reeves.
“Do you know who he is?” I ask her.
“Of course, I know”, she answers.
Five minutes later I hear my mom laughing uncontrollably.
“What’s going on”, I exclaim.
Nothing. No answer, mom still laughing her butt off.
“What’s happening”, I repeat my question.
Sis then tells me that, while browsing a website, mom got to a video showing Keanu Reeves in the foreground. It was a short scene from the movie Matrix, the part where Neo goes to the Oracle. If you don’t remember or haven’t seen the movie, here is how the conversation went on: read more

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One tree hill – exercise the power of your mind, imagination and feelings

One tree hill, exercise the power of your mind, imagination and feelings

Dear Readers,

This is the first time that I write down an exercise with the purpose of helping other people. So, I apologize, in advance, if you find it sloppy and so on. However, it is an exercise that I made a week and a bit ago that helped me imagine and feel things. To make this work, all you need to do is to let yourself go. Here it goes.

If you are a woman, you are wearing a white dress, knee length. If you are a man, you are wearing a pair of white shorts and a white shirt. You both are not wearing anything underneath these clothes. You are wearing your favorite pair of shoes. read more

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„Imagine all the People”

Humanity is not dead

Dear Readers,

I’ve often talked about people, since a lot of people have had a great impact over my life. But, to be honest, I’ve been in a love-hate relationship with them since the beginning of my times. The numerous times I wanted to be in the middle of them, enjoying their company… But there were even more times when I wanted to run away from them, as far as possible, preferably in the middle of nowhere.

We like to talk about people a lot. We like to put them in categories. We like to catalog them. We like to compare them. We like to do all sorts of things to them. Every new person that we meet is checked inside and out until there is no mystery left of them. And we will meet hundreds of people in our lifetime. If we are lucky or unlucky,( if you prefer), we will meet thousands of them… Thousands of people that we will catalog, we will edit them and save them in our memories. read more

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„Nothing satisfies me but your soul”

Chess board players

Dear Readers,

Today I am going to tell you a story. It is inspired from a song by Jen Titus that a I heard a long time ago in the TV show „Supernatural”. A few lyrics from this song are borrowed. Also, the inspiration comes from the hundreds of minutes of surreal dreams that I’ve been having ever since I’ve lost my sight. Sometimes, I believe that my brain is mismatching reality with an imaginary world with fabulous castles, kings and queens, wars, heroes and adventures. I should add that I remembered about an old photo album posted on Facebook, with photos of a medieval-like complete set of chess pieces. These photos, which I can perfectly visualize, are a source of inspiration as well. These photos will be added in future parts as time and imagination will allow us to. Sis is the one helping me put these ideas into proper English. read more

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My Brain vs. The Computer and The OS

Replica of Zuse Z3, the first fully automated analog computer

Dear Readers,

Ever since my brain was damaged, I became very interested in how this „pretty” organ works and how mine is working, in particular. In nearly all articles that were read to me, the brain is often compared to a computer and unanimously described as an electric network. If this is the case, everyone of us owns a very powerful computer without even knowing. All sorts of associations between my damaged brain and a computer/ an OS come to mind.

If my brain is a computer, then I’m functioning on a Pentium 1 Processor, with 126 MB RAM, with no graphic card and broken sound card. The default OS is Windows 98. read more

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„6 Ft from the Edge”

My version of six feet from the edge

Dear Readers,

„I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking that maybe six feet ain’t so far down”. There are times in life when you go through events that make you, quite literally, feel like you just hit the ground. I once described this feeling as if life kicks you in the butt so hard and pushes you off a tower building. While you can’t stop the fall and wait to hit the ground, you can’t also stop hearing life’s voice laughing behind your back and telling you: „You fool!” Sometimes you would lay there on the pavement, broken into thousands of pieces, disintegrated. read more

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May I Serve You Some True Blood, Ma’am?

Fooling around with grapefruit juice after finishing True Blood

Dear Readers,

(The Big Red Haired Fox, Ana, keeps telling me that the blog gets more hits and visitors each month, so, I am upping the formula to readers and will talk to you as a whole from now on. Do not feel depersonalized on me now, I care about each one of you, especially if you are not a hit and runner.)

The idea of writing about the thick blood issue was seeded in my mind a while ago, but decided to hear another doctor’s opinion on the matter, before posting something. This last doctor confirmed some of my beliefs. read more

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The Road to Perdition (to Bucharest)

Catalina, T. and M. at JIKO Clinic, Bucharest

Dear Reader,

I named this post as I did because last time I was in Bucharest I nearly lost my life. As you can imagine, I am now in the city with my sister and my mom for more tests, procedures and alternative therapy. It doesn’t feel like perdition any longer, but I still have time to change my mind about that thought. Hopefully not (added later: I haven’t changed my mind).

For a while now, my family and I have been thinking about finding better and more open minded doctors to help my case. However, a trip to Bucharest would have been difficult. Through a strange chain of events, a person we haven’t heard of in 18 years (his name is T.) showed up out of the blue and offered to help. For a few weeks, I kept changing my mind about this trip ( I believe I was very scared). But then, more help was offered, all stars were aligned and I was forcefully dragged out of my beloved bed I was glued to for the last 10 months, to come to Bucharest. read more

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